


Best Before

by SassafrassRex (Serbajean)



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, M/M, Slowly giving up, discussion of illness, love doesn't actually make decisions easy, road-tested couple, romance is not actually gentle
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-21
Updated: 2018-07-21
Packaged: 2019-06-14 00:08:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 990
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15376404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Serbajean/pseuds/SassafrassRex
Summary: "Don't expect me to be here when you get back."But the next day, they were at it again. Of course they were.





	Best Before

**Author's Note:**

> x-post from [Tumblr.](https://sassafrassrex.tumblr.com/post/176117978070/shadamadashi-ficlet-story-time-that-didnt-take)

_"Don't expect me to be here when you get back."_

But the next day, they were at it again. Of course they were.

"I'm on–"

"I swear, if the words, 'Borrowed time,' come out of your mouth..."

Takashi's jaw clicked shut.

The file sat innocently on the coffee table. Dead center between them, but a part of Takashi wanted to snap it up and clutch it to his chest. Adam pinched the bridge of his nose. "Tak, you–" but his voice wavered and cracked on the words. He squinted his eyes shut and pulled a shaking breath in, to try again.

Takashi's empty hands spasmed. Wanting just to stretch out and hold.

But he'd put himself too far out of reach.

"You have years of your life left," Adam finally managed. " _Years_. You aren't already gone."

The primary and accessory muscles of respiration were the last to give out. Mechanism of death: hypercapnic respiratory failure. But as Adam spoke, even the hinting wheeze in Takashi's chest quieted itself to listen.

"You're not over yet." They were the words Adam once used to pull him back up on his feet. When Takashi couldn't see any way out.

"But _this_?–"

He stabbed a finger at the file.

"– _This_ could kill you. Two years from now, I could be telling mom how you died of respiratory failure because your lungs couldn't _fucking open,_ once they were back under Earth's gravity. That's if you _make_ it back."

It was a low blow, bringing her up. Adam's mother was one of the best people Takashi had met in the States. She'd taken one look at him, this pallid wreck shuffling into her house, fresh off another exacerbation...

And she'd made it clear that he was home.

She didn't know about Kerberos.

 _I want it,_ was all Takashi's defense boiled down to. And usually, that suited just fine. His goals were what kept him moving forward. Sometimes – many times – they were all that could.

Just then that seemed grossly inadequate when all Adam was asking was that he take care of himself.

But Takashi had staked so much on this.

"It's what keeps me going," he muttered. There was no point in making bones about it; he needed to be out there.

Adam's face crumpled like he'd been stabbed. Takashi felt like he was breaking a promise.

He'd never anticipated two things he loved in his life being at odds. It had always seemed like a nonissue. If love was real, then it wouldn't be complicated. It might be hard sometimes, but _complicated_ wasn't supposed to be for people who were serious.

But he loved Adam more than anything. And he'd just pointed to Kerberos, as the thing he couldn't give up.

"You might live into your fifties." It came out blunt. Not shying away from what a gift they both knew that was. Takashi knew he was lucky, to live in a time where he could do all that he'd done. A century ago, he wouldn't have made it to twenty. He knew he ought to be grateful for that.

He'd have never met Adam at all. He _was_ grateful.

"It's like..." Adam's hand scrubbed through his hair. It was already a mess, Takashi wanted to fix it and warn about being seen with a bird nest on his head. "Like you think you're dead anyway so... what, 'may as well'?

"But you're not." Adam said it softly. He'd tried anger and it hadn't worked. Now, he just sounded tired. "This is real time you're throwing away."

He knew that. Of course he knew that, how the fuck could he not?

But needed it. He couldn't even explain properly, he just...

He needed it.

"Takashi?"

Adam waited. And waited.

" _Tak,_ " he barked, but Takashi could only stare at the file. His brain churned, but there was nothing he could say without snapping.

The moment hung long. Until Adam blew out his breath and stormed off to grab his coat, mumbling about getting some air. He paused at the door. "Don't make me do this again." For all Adam's hardliner stance, it came out pleading.

Takashi didn't respond.

He was still standing at the table, when he lost track of the receding sound of bootfalls on metal. His hands were shaking.

 

* * *

 

 

That night, he was wide awake when Adam finally slipped into bed behind him. A strong arm slid around his waist, and there was moisture where scrunched eyes pressed against his shoulder blade.

"I signed on to love you."

Takashi loved him so much.

"I signed on to _support_ you, I want to _marry_ you."

He felt thin lines of cold, where tears trickled down the back of his shoulder. Adam had never liked for anyone to see.

"At no point, did I agree to stand still and watch you kill yourself."

The terrible promise ended on a hitch. As Adam bit the words out, he dug his face against Takashi's back, to drop a soft, shaking kiss atop one of the many scars on his skin, permanently left there by the EMG leads. Takashi squeezed his eyes shut. His stomach jumped once or twice, but he bit his cheek to keep quiet.

It was something they'd talk about again tomorrow. Adam would try again. Takashi would try again.

They'd try but...

The arm around his waist drew tighter, palm sliding upwards to plant itself squarely over his heart.

And there were tears on his face, too.

Takashi's hand shook. But he brought it up to cover Adam's, fingers slotting tightly together.

Both trying to hold the things they loved that wouldn't keep.

 

* * *

 

 

**Respiratory insufficiency is the most common mechanism of death in those with Duchenne muscular dystrophy. Which is not exactly what Shiro has (and emg is not therapeutic for it), but it seems the most similar. Essentially, death results from the intercostals and diaphragm eventually becoming too weak to pull the lungs open.

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know if you enjoyed!


End file.
